Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

If this blog’s usual contents are Rated R, consider this NC-17. Ear muffs for the kids, headphones for you - or a vasectomy - whichever works best for your arrangement is recommended.

What scarier way can there be to celebrate this carnal pagan holiday than with a bunch of geeks sitting around discussing what’s sexy and awkwardly flirting with each other? Nothing? Correct!

Hunin, Dairy Queen, Rib and a few shy giggles from Mrs. Hunin join me in a discussion of the rules of attraction (meat physics, not magnets). Many public figures are rated by our completely subjective but extremely meticulous scale. We also consider the impact of situation and personality in our great quest for beauty … or simply hotness.

Dominion Cast 14 download, 66 mins 60 MB

Music from the album Sex Invadaz by ADC Level

Potential Porn: A Plumber at Dairy Queen’s
Universal Beauty: Ass Chest and Long ones
1 to 10
Adjustments and Access
A 10: hunin’s friend Jennifer made Melyssa look like Marsha
Search for the 1
Mack’in America (Confidence is Key)
Age Matters: Ladies +, Dudes -
Off Limits!!!!
Auntie Titties
One Dudes
Worship da Domina!

WAIT!!!

Before you tabletop d20 role-playing game non-fans conclude: “Ah, another uber nerdy D&D treatise that even I‘m too cool for,” then leave this article like you would an undesired plate of free Brussels sprouts (another rare taste craving), let me explain the importance of this hobby - and apologize for not reaching out to you whom don’t role play sooner. I should have revealed this Truth long ago.

Games are exercises in strategy creation to serve esoteric goals, getting the most players across home plate or owning the most property and board assets in Monopoly. The rules of the game are the parameters under which these methods of success must obey, no knocking out the umpire and having the bench merely cross home in a single file line nor snatching all the cards and plastic houses/hotels from the box top when know one is looking - you cheating bastard.

Role playing games (RPGs) are aimed at the mysterious objective “fun” by means of collaborative story creation, often tales emulating the action movie genre, with rules that set how certain events in the narrative can happen. The rules represent conventions of the genre that permit what a story can do. Your elf wizard can fly, if they know and cast the right spell based on their class (um, think job description) and level in that class (abstraction to represent their expertise in their job field). They are meant to convey a certain versimilatude or realism to the stories created, although you don’t risk being a raped by a dragon to move up - this is just a game, the professional world holds far worse violations.

So RPGs sit between the make believe games of children as a sort of improvisational theatre mediated by limited options like poker card combinations or allowed maneuvers on a basketball court. I’ve described it to non-gamers as being like chess where every piece has a background and ever move forms a movie scene, mostly eliciting polite changes in topic at best and accusations of Satan worship at worst - either way the odds of a second date take a sizable penalty under the rules of social life.

When rolling a d20 (twenty sided dice) to decide your chances of date two the average roll is 10, 1 is horrible “I’ve gotta go; please don’t ever call me” and 20 is superb “Let‘s take this to my place“, such a statement subtracts 8 to10 from your roll making the average response “You‘re not really my type; does eHarmony give refunds?“

It’s called “game” for a reason.

Had I a video clip of what you were imagining, I’d sell it to the media and retire. I don’t, so the writing continues.

The match up is conservative columnist blogger (the title on her seems to devalue us all) Michelle Malkin and progressive news host Rachel Maddow. Donning the banner of amateur journalist, I freely admit my bias before judgment: Michelle Malkin is hot as fuck!

Before you liberal lady readers hit the browser back button and move to delete this page from your favorites, remember that this is not an opinion as you understand it and forgive me - much the way you would excuse your dog for curiously sniffing at garbage. It is simple Y chromosome hardwiring that says that a tan-skinned big mouthed Filipina possess more suitable genes for mating than the lesbian host of the MSNBC show I love so much.

Here comes the gender redeeming magic:

Eeew. Plain ugly. (ASIDE: I Freudian typed “Palin ugly” here in a feat of associative serendipity) See, it doesn’t pay to be polite on Fox. Dr. Hill’s little comment on him being a hero promptly brought on Malkin’s patented eye flare. Jarring enough to give her man McCain flashbacks of his own trial of heroism, the same expression a snake makes when spotting a fat mouse, this an expression of annoyance at being taken off stride - notice she stammers a bit before returning to her preprogrammed Fox News attack kata.

Calling it a “kata” isn’t racist, since that’s a Japanese term and she is not. This is racist:

Vietnamese joke? Nope. The voice is that of a World War II Filipino dance hall girl - READ YOUR HISTORY! Malkin did, and is a supporter of the Japanese-American internment of that time. That was for my Nipponese citizens, Do itashi mashite.

She tried to conflate Brook’s valid observance into hatred of the troops and Hill picked it up easy and batted it down by pointing out “That’s spin! This is the No Spin Zone!” This shut her down and she could only make that uber-patriotic platitude but the cold look on her face after uttering thanks to Dr. Hill said to me, “Next time, mafucka. Next time.” It was hard to find a more recent clip of Malkin gnawing at someone elses dignity. Perhaps because Fox recently leaves her to be only consulted by their other talking heads - the eye flair is murder for ratings. Ever see her and Ann Coulter on the same show? Could she be Coulter in a woman suit?

Exhibit B: a guest accusing her of fluff journalism essentially ambushes Rachel Maddow. David Frum is former speech writ … word-maker for Bush II; and though the Texan fumbled through them, their author is no rhetorical lightweight.

“False equivalence”, the elegant edge she threatened him with for more than half the exchange, Frum knew her snarky remarks about Palin and McCain couldn’t be equated to “BOMB OBAMA!” from anti-elitists. He excused McCain of guilt but she stuck with the ipoint that as supposed party leader he had the responsibility to raise level of the discussion with his followers.

He rallies to ask why Rachel doesn’t have conservatives on to speak for themselves. Her paraphrased response: “Because they’re chicken shit!” All Frum could do was politely nod after failing to trigger a Fox response: shouting you’re a liar, cutting your mic, threatening you with a luffa. Maddow took the elitist progressive liberal high ground reply of simply admitting her disagreement.

From this, we conclude in opposition to our built in masculine objectification with a statement Maddow and Malkin may equally find sexist: Rachel Maddow is one sexy bitch.

Saturday was the premiere of Chris Rock’s new HBO special Kill the Messenger, an event celebrated by Dominionites similar to Labor Day in the greater U.S.A. Cheery but not the Thanksgiving of a new Boondocks season beginning or the Christmas of a new Dave Chappelle concert, movie, interview, youtube clip, photo - we want Chappelle!!!

This semi-holiday wasn’t the reason for the missed article yesterday. It was a long weekend and we’re sorry for the gap. You should feel free to locate on your Dominion-issued keyboards the customized subscription refund button. You’ll get an extra one today.

Rocks style is abrasive mainly by his voice, which like Gilbert Godfried’s is considered a violation of the Geneva Conventions when heard loudly. I’ve wondered how best to describe his comedic style for non-Blacks that don’t see his cross over appeal. The title reminded me of something that I viewed on the PBS documentary African American Lives 2, a great “special” that is welcomed variety to the 99.8% of historical education on TV that ignores us. Yeah we’ve got BET and TV One channels on cable, but reruns of Good Times or Sanford and Son don’t count.

Digress: what I’m doing right now. Alan Rock, the comedian’s grandfather, was a preacher and would write sermons while looking after him. During his interview on the special, Chris says that how he writes his material is like how he saw sermons written - so Chris Rock is a preacher with a funny sermon about the Truth of society. In this new concert, the messenger focuses on Truths that are as hilarious as they are unpopular. Even when promoting the special, within reach of the Secret Service, not even Bill Clinton was safe:

The first half of the show is for politics and society. Jokes on McCain being old - choosing his nurse for Vice President - and the appropriate use of “nigga” by white people: between 4:30 and 4:49am on Christmas Day when a Black dude robs, beats and pees on you in front of a toy store will earn you a month of usage. If you’re a white woman it’s whenever a Black dude is boning you - fair. He also agrees with the Dominion standard of quotation of raps songs for fair usage. I’m fine with whites saying it, but not with using it. Unfair? Sure, but as Rock says we can always switch: “You scream ‘nigger’ and we’ll raise interest rates”.

This eventually meanders into sexual relations, where Rock connects with the male component of his audience, with a unique statement that Obama’s biggest hurdle is having a Black first lady - a position that requires far more shutting the fuck up than a sister can endure. Michelle isn’t specifically referenced, but the picture is painted of an ebony Hillary. A poor portrait isn’t painted of Michelle in particular, but it’s just the general way that Rock tells women about themselves and gives voice to thoughts that if freely expressed would raise the divorce rate 25-50%. It’s easy to get the impression that Rock doesn’t like marriage, especially considering his last movie “I Think I Love my Wife”.

I think I prefer Never Scared to this one because it hit on more topics, but if you like Chris this is another good one. The special is composed of interspliced scenes from concerts in London, Johanesburg and New York. Regional changes to his material would have been an excellant touch, but aside from a safari anecdote there were none. If you’re a conservative rich single white woman, I’d advise you to give it a pass - but you’re likely not reading this.

No. Not the little game you and your wife play where you dress like a fire hydrant and she’s the forceful female fire fighter with the happy hose. Whatever it takes to keep the spice in the marriage that’s your fuck’in business - literally. I’m talking about when the game, or more specifically, the story the group plays features themes of a sexy mature nature.

This isn’t very common in my experience. Often gamers are … well, nerds who have social issues that result in shyness around people they haven’t known for thirty years. Most are reluctant to adopt funny voices that may capture their characters persona - unlike geeks such as myself that revel in the full experience. That lesson on nomenclature is something for the reader to take away: nerds are lame from their awkwardness, geeks will annoy you with their mastery of subject. So sayeth your Dominus Digg (GSS/CC/U W++ t++ R+++> tv+++).

Another factor is that many of the works that RPG tradition is based upon aren’t very saucy. To my recollection, Tolkein mentioned Aragorn and Arwen lying naked on a hill once, but that’s it. I bet he didn’t describe the laying of the one pipe in much detail to his kids, and that Legolas is braiding Gimli’s beard is left unspoken - rightfully so. More futuristic settings also don’t sully themselves with the grimy details. Jabba liked the lithe humanoids - we shudder to think what he did with his harem girls. Mostly, given the possibilities of crippling imagery and the ages involved with many first time players and the back light the hobby has been cast in, it’s for the best to shy away from the adult stuff - although gaming art has shaved it close with it’s objectifying representations.

As adults there’s no sanctuary outside of tradition. I blame vampire LARPers (Live Action Role Players) myself. The ordinary nerdy gamer girl gets a new sense of liberation when she’s dominatrix decked out and playing make believe acting out steamy Anne Rice vixens. The non-physical nature of tabletop may encourage flirty innuendo to descriptive action. This can be an issue for the fantasies it reveals, the picturing of … nice personality players in explicit scenes, the distracting daydreams of gamer hotties in the same scenes or just cause it’s damn creepy.

Enough summation, it’s time for solutions. Ways to deal with it:

1. Outright tell the offenders they’re being gross. Speaking up for yourself doesn’t make you an asshole necessarily - throwing food as you shout it does.

2. Fight fire with fire. If they describe sex vividly, you could describe other realistic things as vivid - like cutting off an orc’s head or disemboweling a monster for possible jewels they could’ve swallowed. Your efforts may communicate the problem by putting them in your place; or, at least take away some of their screen time.

3. Inject some realism of your own into the rules or suggest them to your DM. Start making pregnancy rolls for each encounter. Saves to resist diseases are a relevant threat. Even just tagging them as fatigued afterward, when the goblin archers are about to ambush the camp before they can slip their armor back on.

4. Step it up a notch and suggest an ad hoc orgy. Those that don’t threaten to leave, kick out of the group … maybe get their number first.