Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

OK, so Frank Miller is starting to slip a bit.

I say this after having just seen his latest comic adaptation to the big screen, The Spirit. A movie that makes up what it lost in tension with lots of ass … and I mean a lot of ass. A shame it still doesn’t compensate.

Did you see Sin City? Great flick wasn’t it? It had a new illustratively gritty style of shooting and a series of interconnected stories that captured the pathos of the characters. The Spirit has Pathos, a henchman to the big bad guy played to comic relief effect ably by Louis Lombardi (Edgar from 24), but that’s the only pathos it has.

The Spirit, former slain cop Denny Colt turned charismatic vigilante golden age heroic zombie, warrants none. He’s unkillable, super athletic, and gets to fight for justice above the law and EVERYONE with a vagina wants him in it - even death itself is wet for him. Protecting Central City - named this only because Gotham is still taken - is his only committed relationship though . Sad, if he didn’t spend most of his time hitting on everything and stringing along the love interest/cop commissioner‘s daughter Dr. Dolan.

Ever catch 300? Good flick wasn’t it? A dramatically epic vision of one of the greatest military battle in history was crafted. Leonides was defending his freedom from a freakishly alien but ambitious foreign conqueror Xerxes. Pose Fu action done masterfully in each bloody combat scene. Samuel Jackson plays the nemesis of the Octopus, a stylistically insane mad scientist with the same powers as the Spirit, whom he created by experiment. He’s named for the cephalopod cause his tentacles are everywhere … supposedly. The name fits cause he’s mentally everywhere. He’s some kind of super pimp in the first scene, samurai in the next, Nazi officer then Cossack. Character concept is obvious: let’s play dress up with badass Sam Jackson, muthafucka!

The Spirit does Rapid Fu combat direction mostly, not very herky jerky but lots of pans to the shadow of what’s going on when he‘s beating the hell out of the 12th stupid clone of Lombardi. Otherwise, it’s mainly The Spirit getting shot by somebody until he needs to catch his breath whistling through multiple bullet holes like Daffy Duck when he takes a drink of water and it fountains out. Very cartoony violence abounds. When Jackson hits him with a toilet in the beginning you catch the theme.

The pluses are plus sized hips all through out. Eva Mendes. Scarlett Johansson. I was very disappointed when they couldn’t find walk on roles for Vida Guerra nor Kim Kardashian. The best scene was when our hero tracks the jewel thief Sand Seref (Mendes, cause Latin Wide Bottom isn’t a font name) through the city by showing a Xerox of her butt. It and Silken Floss’ (Johansson) chestiness were the highlights.

Wait for the DVD, and make sure your pause button is strong.

Egg Nog and Japanese beer fueled ramblings about holiday movies, Oscar season and snatch. If there’s any cast to put the parental locks on, it’s this one. Rib, Hunin, The Chocolate Lady, Felicia and myself have a merry time in this our last recording of the year. Hope you enjoy! … and forgive us.

Dominion Cast 20 download: 67 mins. & 61MB

Music from Les Stances Sibyllines by Niconoclaste and fragments of stories by Wasaru
Snatch for the Holidays
Favorites: Elf, Friday after Next, Home Alone, Dick in a Box
The Gift of Roots (Rutz)
Who the hell is Elizabeth Pena
Feliz Navidad
Oscar Buzz: Furry Aussie, bub.
Cadillac Records? Mos Def is the other one, playing Chuck Berry
The Spirit of the Season
Lady Blockbusters
Make bread, not Guiness
Four Christmasezzzzzzzzzz

Relationships for the Unhip. Smarty sex. Actually just Rib, Dairy Queen, Hunin, Mrs. Hunin and myself commiserating on the difficulties of romance when you’re geeky awesome. Mrs. Hunin being the wife of Hunin, and being present, take his words with a grain whip *WUH-PISH!* Rib’s sexy is unstoppable and Dairy Queen can play her cards best, but all I want is a little appreciation and understanding … from super hot chick.

Dominion Cast 19 download - 54 mb, 59 mins

Music from the album Bleu by Djimi
See Share Bar below
Geek or Nerd?
Nerdgasm
Lonely Youth
No Brains Allowed
Fake’in the Funk
To Smart for Sex?
The Leaky Crack Plumber
A Lady’s Edge is Expertise
Geeks: Be Funny … or Rich
What DO we Want?

Now that I have your attention …

Making porn is perhaps a lost art these days as, given the publishing powers of Web 2.0, anyone can, and often has made one. Place recording camera phone at foot of bed, fuck on same bed, done. Not my favorite angle by far - too high a ratio of balls and man ass to lady parts - but that’s just a demonstration of the simplicity. You could say Pam Anderson’s old Playboy pictorial tapes were porn, but they really aren’t grandpa. Nowadays, with out at least a midget, one piece of latex clothing, more than 5 participants or a modified hydraulic piston with or without remote control it’s not really a porn.

This is more porn talk than was in Zack and Miri make a Porno, the latest View Askew Kevin Smith flick. You’d think a short, fat geek that’s made a career writing ridiculously profane yet oddly insightful movies would produce a more uproarious comedy. Or, maybe you wouldn’t. The writer/director has said in his Evening with Kevin Smith lecturers that he essentially hangs out with his kid bumming around until a bill comes up, and then he writes a movie. This is the first flick from him that I can see he wasn’t fucking kidding - not that I really doubted it, look at him! That obese, that inactive and a smoker, I’d be very careful what my last movie would be (coming from a place of loving concern - not jealousy).

Not as much of an homage to smut as you’d think.

Zack and Miri (the ubiquitous Liz Banks) start off as life long friends that live together in a slacker lifestyle of just above poverty. At a class reunion, Zack (Seth Rogan, no pic link needed you‘ve seen the fuzzy bastard enough) learns from a gay porn actor what a nice business it is. The man handler is played by Justin Long - straight guy Mac in the ads but with a waxed USB port in this - and is maybe the funniest performance in the movie at the 30-minute mark. Z&M decide to make a classic spoof of Star Wars - Star Whores - but the set is destroyed as a twist and jip to every geek in the audience that would pay triple to see porn like this made by Kevin Smith. All the while they squeamishly tip toe around the threat to their friendship this entails, but play it casual.

This is my main problem with the story. You’ve been friends with a chick for decades and NEVER try to spark it off despite being attractive enough to fuck chicks of comparable attractiveness - as Seth Rogen is apparently given his romantic opposites. If I believe you could fuck Kate Heigl, you can definitely get Liz Banks - maybe as a side dish. Zack is essentially Cal in 40-year-old Virgin, where he did fuck Liz’s character at the end. It’s not like Zack is a too shy nerd - he asks a jealous married chick for hand job, and gets one!

Would be more believable and interesting if they were an ex-couple that stayed close and had their attraction rekindled. It would have been more satisfying too if they finished the porn and ended their problems instead of turning into an awkward romantic comedy that made zero plot progress. Seeing a bit more nudity would’ve been a plus, but all we get are Katie Morgan’s tits (which can see all day on her porn star site) and Jason Mewes’ ass (that can be seen in virtually every Kevin Smith movie, if he‘s your type). Mewes himself was funny, as was Craig Robinson from the Office and other recent comedy flicks. A lot of the jokes where telegraphed scenes ahead so when Randal from Clerks get’s shit on filming an anal scene with a constipated Katie - it’s no big shocker. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

That said, there’s a good deal of funny dialogue that is trademark Smith. Zack speaks with unabashed crass honesty and Miri calls him gross but does the same with enough beers. You’ll laugh a few times but could wait until it comes out on Netflix. Unless you’re such a diehard gay for Kev fan boy that this entire article somehow proves I’m a cocksmoker, then by all means ignore this review.

Against the prevailing wisdom of her family, a young woman of 22 named Flora began to date her 80-ish college professor, Truman Packed. Over a shared appreciation for botany, their loved blossomed. The two courted for several months, planting the seeds of romance, but upon trying to reap fruit from their mutual passion it was found - due to advanced years - Packed’s withered stalk wouldn’t rise.

An old friend from the biology department, Dr. Hardamon, suggested a experimental surgery to help his colleague. Muscles from the trunk of an elephant would be grafted on to his member to stimulate better circulation in his situation. Desperate to keep his beautiful love, Truman agreed. The operation went well; the gamble paid off. Long anticipation exploded in a gloriously ecstatic union, that could only result in Professor’s Paked’s proposal to his sweet flower - and it’s grateful acceptance. An somewhat traditional gentleman, Truman insisted the next consumation would only be made with her as his bride.

At the family dinner before the wedding, Flora let temptation get a hold of her - as she secretly took hold of Truman’s triumph under the table. Little cousin Eddie offered a plate of potatoes to the groom-to-be when suddenly a wrinkled grey dick shot up from the professor’s lap, wrapped around a spud and shot just as quick out of sight!!! Flora recoiled in fright as Eddie grasped his fork for protection.

The frivolity at the table turned to shocked wonder. After a few moments, Flora’s mother found the courage to speak.
“Professor, … I didn’t quite … catch that. Could you … do it again?”

Old Packed shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then shyly admited to all,
“I would, madame. But, I’m afraid, I don’t have room in my ass for another baked potato.”