Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

I guess executive order number one of our prez-elect was, “Get some moe Brothas on da TV!” since we Obamans now have the embarrassment of riches that is this two new Black comics with shows - and not even on BET!!!

“We shall oh-ver-cuh-uh-um”

First is David Allen Grier’s Chocolate News on Comedy Central, basically another skit show that will fail to fill the gap left by Chappelle. Grier (DAG - like RDA, but Black and UN-awesome) was never one of my favorites on In Living Color like Damon Wayans, Jim Carrey or Jamie Foxx. Despite being a homie from Detroit, he’s from East Detroit, the Dominion is West side. Yes, it’s not just something rappers bark about in their songs - there‘s a subtle cultural difference: they wack . His all weather character fallback is what I call the Original recipe Negro, aka Fred Sanford the junk dealer and all his greasy old sidekicks like Grady and Bubba. When not doing heart attack or diabetes jokes in this guise, he’s in chickenhead drag.

Even in his commentator role he‘s still audaciously Blacktifide times two:

Shouting mostly urban-accented valid opinions interspersed with unnecessary swearing and feigned indignation = real Black comedy, GODDAMNIT! With the South Park lead in on Wednesdays, he’ll make it as long as Mind of Mencia maybe. To be an independent success, I’d start looking for a more ensemble cast. All his old friends are beyond this show, but Tommy Lee Davison is available - or dead. I don‘t know; who‘s seen him lately?

D. L. Hughley Breaks the News is the other show I refer to. One of my favorite Kings of Comedy that is sadly not allowed to be a comedian. His new role is funny CNN pundit show host looking at current events through the eyes of our community - like a Bill Maher that dates fewer Black women and smokes less weed. Unlike DAG, Hughley is more than ready for this role: One sitcom, many appearances on news shows, protested over the Imus affair, guest of the Late Late Show many times before they outsourced the hosting to Scotland, host SOB the most respectable show on BET, being on the cast of an Aaron Sorkin show alone counts as a B.A. in Poli-Sci from Columbia.

He’s a good host on a passable news show:

Looking for the satirical superiority of Stewart and Colbert or the cute witr of Rachel Maddow, CNN is going for it’s own uppity version of Chocolate News. The main issue is that the show tries to be funny with bits that go over only half the time, if you feel ticklish … And generous.  D.L. can work clean but I get the feeling that Hughley hasn’t quite gelled with his writing staff yet. A sketch with George Washington being told a black was now President was more drab than Tatooine (colorful humor). Only time can tell for Hughley, but as a more Coq au Vin recipe Obaman - bourgeois to the Original recipe, actually “booshee” so they can unnerstan - I’m hopeful for some African-American intellect to be showcased. From his choice of guests, he’s on the right track.

Can we vote for real change in our country? Yes we can. Can we get comical insight and/or insightful comedy from our community on mainstream TV? Uh… maybe?

I usually don’t write about Hollywood rumors for the reasons that it encourages Fan addiction and so banally common as to undercut the unique viewpoint that the web log is supposed to showcase.

If I write on the same story as one hundred and fifty thousand other bloggas (a term of endearment amongst us that you mere readers should not use) I’m basically like a sheep in the flock - one that hides his glasses, role-playing enjoyment and disparate dilettante knowledge in the naps of his wooly coat, therefore not representing his True friends off searching for reviews of House of the Blooded http://www.housesoftheblooded.com/ and other new fringe games the main flock considers laaaaaaaame.

I’m motivated by a cult interest here though. Ask any drone of the best comedic actors of these times and you’ll get responses of Steve Carell, Tina Fey, “that guy from Saturday night Live” and maybe even America Ferrera - who is a talented bit of latina guapa but I wouldn’t call her funny. No one would mention Amy Sedaris.

“Who’s she?” they’d ask - blinking frantically from guzzling their caffeine and sugar fatachino “coffee” vibrating in their manicured grasp and anticipation of a new celebrity for them to stalk and deify. She was the comedic lead in the much loved Strangers with Candy series that aired on Comedy Central for a mere three seasons while most were first getting into South Park, punctuating little not so inside jokes with “They killed Kenny”. You bastards are such slaves to trends.

This story about forty something drug addict prostitute returning home to finish high school was genius and the stylistic predecessor of TV greats Arrested Development and The Office. An after school special on crack, Steven Colbert co-wrote the show; he was on the Daily Show with Steve Carell, who is star of The Office - Strangers with Candy to The Office in only two Kevin Bacon degrees.

I only bring this up because there’s report that Sedaris is going to be starting a new show on Fox. I’d be excited if three seasons on Comedy Central didn’t translate to three shows before they cancel you. Then again this may give her license to go full bore nuts, which would make the show a hit.

It’s a matter of updating the humor to keep pace with sitcom powerhouses as ‘Till Death and American Dad … pretty easy actually.

Had I a video clip of what you were imagining, I’d sell it to the media and retire. I don’t, so the writing continues.

The match up is conservative columnist blogger (the title on her seems to devalue us all) Michelle Malkin and progressive news host Rachel Maddow. Donning the banner of amateur journalist, I freely admit my bias before judgment: Michelle Malkin is hot as fuck!

Before you liberal lady readers hit the browser back button and move to delete this page from your favorites, remember that this is not an opinion as you understand it and forgive me - much the way you would excuse your dog for curiously sniffing at garbage. It is simple Y chromosome hardwiring that says that a tan-skinned big mouthed Filipina possess more suitable genes for mating than the lesbian host of the MSNBC show I love so much.

Here comes the gender redeeming magic:

Eeew. Plain ugly. (ASIDE: I Freudian typed “Palin ugly” here in a feat of associative serendipity) See, it doesn’t pay to be polite on Fox. Dr. Hill’s little comment on him being a hero promptly brought on Malkin’s patented eye flare. Jarring enough to give her man McCain flashbacks of his own trial of heroism, the same expression a snake makes when spotting a fat mouse, this an expression of annoyance at being taken off stride - notice she stammers a bit before returning to her preprogrammed Fox News attack kata.

Calling it a “kata” isn’t racist, since that’s a Japanese term and she is not. This is racist:

Vietnamese joke? Nope. The voice is that of a World War II Filipino dance hall girl - READ YOUR HISTORY! Malkin did, and is a supporter of the Japanese-American internment of that time. That was for my Nipponese citizens, Do itashi mashite.

She tried to conflate Brook’s valid observance into hatred of the troops and Hill picked it up easy and batted it down by pointing out “That’s spin! This is the No Spin Zone!” This shut her down and she could only make that uber-patriotic platitude but the cold look on her face after uttering thanks to Dr. Hill said to me, “Next time, mafucka. Next time.” It was hard to find a more recent clip of Malkin gnawing at someone elses dignity. Perhaps because Fox recently leaves her to be only consulted by their other talking heads - the eye flair is murder for ratings. Ever see her and Ann Coulter on the same show? Could she be Coulter in a woman suit?

Exhibit B: a guest accusing her of fluff journalism essentially ambushes Rachel Maddow. David Frum is former speech writ … word-maker for Bush II; and though the Texan fumbled through them, their author is no rhetorical lightweight.

“False equivalence”, the elegant edge she threatened him with for more than half the exchange, Frum knew her snarky remarks about Palin and McCain couldn’t be equated to “BOMB OBAMA!” from anti-elitists. He excused McCain of guilt but she stuck with the ipoint that as supposed party leader he had the responsibility to raise level of the discussion with his followers.

He rallies to ask why Rachel doesn’t have conservatives on to speak for themselves. Her paraphrased response: “Because they’re chicken shit!” All Frum could do was politely nod after failing to trigger a Fox response: shouting you’re a liar, cutting your mic, threatening you with a luffa. Maddow took the elitist progressive liberal high ground reply of simply admitting her disagreement.

From this, we conclude in opposition to our built in masculine objectification with a statement Maddow and Malkin may equally find sexist: Rachel Maddow is one sexy bitch.

Last night I’m yanking out chest hairs with a pair of tweezers to stay up (see last Decree) long enough to see the debate. The hairless patch is shaped like two overlapping capital D’s, like Daredevil’s symbol but mine could stand for Da Dominus! At the rate I grow body hair, it might as well be a tattoo - so consider it meaning “Devoted Digg”. I did it for you citizens and secret readers.

SPECIAL ANOUNCEMENT: Effective immediately - after the completion of this article - I will be suspending all jokes made at the expense of Republican Arizona Senator John Sidney “Damn those gooks” McCain III out of respect for the death of his presidential candidacy, and perhaps political career. Really at this point piling on McCain is like beating a dead elephant, but I draw the line at defleshing his bones for their precious ivory value. This is very tempting though since commodities are now worth more than their ounce weight in shares of Google stock, but the man was a vet damn it!!

For those of you that missed the debate for richer sources of entertainment, let me sum it up this way: Obama came off like Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, composed with reasonable humility, and McCain, with his attempts at humor andfolksy platitudes, came off like a cross examined Reverend Brady in Inherit the Wind. I guess Tom Brokaw was Spencer Tracy in either film, though Obama didn’t fuck his daughter - at least during the debate.

I don’t know why the senior citizen senator wanted a town hall format. Was he counting on Barack being unable to field basic questions, like a governor or something, or did he want the sympathy points of being seen stiffly limping around the stage swinging wild rhetorical haymakers as his oppoenent calmly and measuredly kicked his cane out from under him? All while he spoke the junior senator sat there with a look on his face of mixed patience and admiration like you’d watch grandpa steadying himself to cut the Thanksgiving turkey. The elder Republican’s points received from the audience the reception one would expect of mangled chunks of breast meat.

To be fair, both candidates did some evasions and convenient attacks. I refer you to Fox News for Obama’s closet-terrorist egg headed faux passes (I ain’t French) and to MSNBC for McCain’s crotchety jingoism. I’m no journalist - real writer nor comedian for that matter - form your own opinions. I, myself and on behalf of those citizens whom have surrendered their will to me, believe it’s effectively curtains for everyone’s former favorite lone wolf Republican badass. Then again, this could be the Barack O’Bradley effect in action - or so the pundits muse to keep us interested.

What say you? Comment below

Younger readers may not recall that “The Juice” was once the nickname of O.J. Simpson. More recently, it’s been replaced with Orenthal James “Needs to be Lynched” Simpson in popular culture.

Sadly, from age and rust, OJ can no longer run faster than photography can capture. So it was easy for a jury to convict him this time without even considering witnesses (still faster than the retina can grasp it seems).

It was frequently mentioned that the jury was mostly white women. This was either meant to comment on the well-noted superior judicious reasoning of Caucasian females or “No darkies are gonna mess this one up!” One could liken it to Mel Gibson being tried by a council of rabbis, but one would be wrong - Gibson has never killed a Jew in a jealous fit … to our knowledge. He did make a lot of money in filming a fictionalized tormenting of the most famous one.

RELAX! Neither Mel Brooks nor Don Rickles were harmed.

Also, OJ loves white women; and, white women love OJ. It’s more precise to say that he dislikes white milfs. Until his conviction last week, I was hoping to one day see him starring in the series finale of Desperate House Wives. Those juroresses shown in the above vid clip we can fairly speculate on the “M”, not the “ilf”. His current dame Christine Prody may not be a mother, but she could nurse a baby or twelve - infants like silicon right (maybe they’re real, I’ll have to check).

His big trial created a deepening of the rift between Blacks and Whites. Whites were outraged at the apparent acquittal of a killer, while Blacks celebrated the victory of classism over racism - we were now rich enough to buy justice, though most of those celebrating were not. I was too busy enjoying my first year of college, but I do harbor resentment at OJ making it impossible for a brother to hook up with rural coeds - yeah, that’s the reason. My only enjoyment of Simpson was from his slapstick in the Naked Gun flicks. Athlete that beats up on his wife is sadly common. Killing her? Believable. The trouble came when it was found that the lead detective was the Mel Gibson of Black folk.

It’s not often that racism benefits a minority - outside of affirmative action - so the victory can overshadow the bigger issues of two people dying horrifically. Thing is, I’ve happened upon the eighty minute Bill Dear OJ documentary on Google that plants fresh doubt into the minds of many of it’s viewers. I leave it for the citizens to decide until the Truth surfaces - da Dominion can take no official stance on this.

As to the Juice jacking dealers for his old shit, like The Inside Man meets the Bucket List as directed by Spike Lee: Guilty. Do you think prison has an ass rape age limit, or do your rapists just get older too?