Fallon: Hard Times
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One can easily see why Jimmy Fallon got the Late Show spot recently vacated by Conan O’Brien. NBC is marketing a televised cure for insomnia in the 12:35 slot. Yuk-Yuk-Yuk.
This is the kind of joke Fallon would tell in his lackluster monologues. We at da Dominion have an edgier delivery. We recommend that Roe v. Wade be extended to the four hundred and twenty second trimester in this case to legally allow an incision into Fallon’s navel, followed by an industrial surgical vacuum nozzle insertion into the new orifice, in the hopes that the new talk show host will be funnier when sucked inside out.
If not the case, at least he’ll be off the air … once and for all.
Cooler heads may wonder if it’s fair to judge Fallon after only two shows - not being a cool head I say, yes. Should the show make a hilarious turnaround once the impish James finds his stride and the right mix of writers after a year, I’ll be the first to eat a crow, mustard and onion sandwich, crap it out and then eat the resultant shit log on a moldy hot dog bun before singing his praises. Consider that bit of profane description hyperbole; then again, if it gets page views … we’ll just see.
I’ve never really liked Fallon, and until he develops an on air personality this is exactly the character breaking snickering at the camera jack off I remember from SNL. The Late Show features sketches of his set-up heavy comedy, where you think a punch line is coming … but it never comes. Case in point: “Lick it for Ten”. Three audience members each licked a goldfish bowl, copier and lawn mover for $10. Despite possibly being an EXTREMELY subtle statement on economic stimulus, how is this funny out side of the premise? Will the lawn mower cut a tongue off? Will the goldfish attack the licker? Is the third object veteran actor Abe Vigoda? (a Conan homage) No, they’ll just get ten bucks.
His boyish charm with guests is I’m sure fun for those being interviewed, but not the viewer. Playing on Robert DeNiro’s typical soft-spoken demeanor, Fallon talked most of the interview. As previously hinted at, he ain’t funny. The best interview was with former SNL alum Tina Fey - whom is not only genuinely funny, but has won awards for it and is amongst our Dominion Geek Pantheon (what higher honor could there be?) Still it was like they were catching up on old times at lunch, rather than on a show … which people are watching … for entertainment. Fey dominating the conversation was its saving grace. It’s like NBC doesn’t realize that Fallon’s show is up against twelve-year-old reruns of Frasier in syndication in this same timeslot. Gotta bring your C+ game, baby!!
Not to mention the abomination - wait, I guess I am mentioning it - that The Roots are his house band. THE ROOTS! For y’all not into Hip Hop, it’s like Coldplay being the band for Carson Daly or Mozart on Arsenio Hall’s show. Lyricist Tariq Black Thought is just standing there scatting for many numbers although he did have a comic moment when Fallon was “slow jamming the headlines” to cap off his first monologue. A bit he stole clearly from The Daily Show Trapped in the Closet reporting segment. Most of the punch lines were Tariq’s.
Fallon was always a side player on SNL, and still appears to be in the role when not taking center stage and fucking up. I’ll watch off and on to check on Jimmy but Craig Ferguson isn’t loosing me anytime soon.
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