81st Oscars: 80% Win
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The domination of Slumdog Millionaire at last night Oscars further speaks to our country being outclassed by foreigners doing our entertainment on the cheap. Yet, the film’s star - telemarketer Jamal - wins the Mumbai “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” grand prize of 200 million, cause in Mumbai you’re no longer really a millionaire until you have hundreds of millions. Average annual salary for one in his job: $250K (unverified “fact”)
Jingoism and geo-economical player-hatin’ aside, Boyle’s Bollywood baby deserved it’s three hundred dozen Oscars (including Most Endearing portrayal of a Shit-covered Child) and the Academy Awards program was perhaps the best in recent years.
Propped up with very good comedy writing, host Hugh Jackman was excellent - although his being in blackface (if not a bronzer mishap) communicated his bias towards Robert Downey’s nominated best supporting role. We know Wolvy is a song and dance man, but how he went out into the audience to tease the nominees added a humorously informal air to the otherwise stuffy proceedings you’d expect from this annual feat of contortion that is Hollywood kissing its own ass.
An excellently done personification of this was the presenting of the Awards by past winners. I loved how Cuba Gooding called Downey on his “taking roles from the brothas”, which reaped the reply of a clearly faux chortle that said he’s heard it all before. Though he lost to Ledger - foregone conclusion - I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s up next year for his role as The Comedian in Watchmen (3-6-09, 12 days!). Scariest result of this presentation choice was seeing Sophia Loren, whom deserves a Costume/Make-Up/Special Effects Oscar for her life-like appearance despite her winning Best Actress near half a century ago; her Lifetime Achievement Oscar is old enough to get a celeb porn site subscription, and sadly behold the beauty she once was. GrandMILF status - REVOKED!
As aside, I believe that if Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t up for an Award then its unfair for us to have to look at her. Unlike Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn’t give less than a fuck about who was wearing what - but Alicia Keys I wish wore a bit less (like the wig). Still, a boner is a boner, and this can’t be argued.
Best acceptance speech: Heath Ledger’s family (especially when the intimated that he knew he’d get it for his Joker). Worst acceptance: Kate Winslet - whom dreamed of this since she was 8. *my eyes misting up* Daddy whistled to wave congrats to his baby. *sob sob* She wasn’t nominated for Revolutionary Road by some aberration, but a mostly naked Nazi sexual predator will get you the golden man (the Berry Effect).
This Friday, Dominion Cast will cover more of our thoughts on the Oscar show. Until then, lets get back to the real life business of avoiding becoming Slumdogs ourselves (i.e., BUY OUR SHIT).
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