Underworld III - Rise of the Lame-ans
I hate marketing because it targets the superficial with flashy imagery and gets people to see a movie at least once. Someone looses one hour and thirty-two minutes, but that’s not an atrocity. What sucks is the number of people they get to spend just $15, which grows into millions if not billions of dollars that somehow communicates this is a good piece.
Actually, that’s idealistic. The mountain of money says, “People like these images, so lets sell them more no matter what thin narrative links them.” And so they do with gusto.
I thought Underworld was okay. Not an exemplar of the action genre, nor bad enough for me to advocate forced castration for writer/director Len Wiseman with a glowing hot Garden Weasel. The sequel was okay mainly cause Beckinsale was more naked in it and it continued an interesting story about the ancient Lycan/Vamp war - pitting our heroes against the first Vampire and Werewolf.
Underworld 3 is a prequel that fleshes out an expositional flashback in the first movie. If you knew this going in I really hoped you’d have told me before I went … Now I hate you.

Rhona Mitra, Beckinsale understudy, has a few combat scenes but without much of the eye-popping affects that the original established. In her defense, she wasn’t out of place with the other cast. Michael Sheen, playing the Lycan leader Lucian, didn’t get an Oscar nod for Frost/Nixon because of his involvement with this installment, if not this series, I‘m convinced.
When you do a prequel the aim is - or fucking should be - to add depth to established characters, especially since you know the gist of how things are going to go down. It’s one of the few successes of the Star Wars prequels. We learn more about Vader - though we make not like Whiney McSand pants. It was revealed in the original that Victor kills Sonja for getting knocked up by Lucian, whom then goes ape shit and frees the Lycans. This flick added nothing much more to the back-story Underworld gave us.
The big Black dude Lycan NEEDS an explanation for what he’s doing in Dark Ages Europe. The love between Sonja and Lucian needs to be clear and real enough to explain why they’d risk so much besides Full Moon Fever. Victor, master of the Vampires, is an asshole arrogant enough to beat the shit out his Lycan slaves tasked with guarding them while they slept during the day … when the moon is full? Brilliant.
The special effects were good but nothing we’ve never seen and it’s a let down made especially potent since really THIS IS THE ONLY REASON TO SEE THIS FLICK! Werewolves are much stronger than Vampires, but Vampires are faster and can use smarter tactics - you’d think. The climax was just werewolves jump the walls and chow down on Vampire.
Don’t rent this. Wait until you get insomnia and catch it on cable by accident three years from now. Assuming you aren’t pissed off by the shit storm Underworld 4 was when you saw it in the future … or remember me saying so here … linked to my review of it … that will be … then?
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Uhhh… I saw one of these movies. I thought it was Van Helsing, but instead I laughed to scorn the god-awful acting of some fake-ass Jason Patrick wannabe who just missed the age requirement to be cast as Michael in the original The Lost Boys 20 years ago.
I like looking at Kate Beckingsdale though and thanks for telling me her name. I thought she was Keira Knightley. She’s not badassed enough to be considered my hero, but she does look good in her vampire clothes.
Beyond the mesmerizing, cathartic use of the color blue, there’s nothing in the previous movie to precipitate a desire to see this one.
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Yeah, Underworld was OK at best. Decent core story, but the action was too Rapid Fu for me.
THis one basically more of the same but hte plot is given away in the first.
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