Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

October 17th marked 6 months of da Dominion.

To commerate and observe this extremely minor milestone, your Dominus will be taking a week long stay-cation/deservation from the podium of Truth:

Stay-cation, as in I’m staying away from the blog podium but not really going anywhere. I’ll be continuing the promotional crusade, net carousing with our new allies in the bloggaverse and dominating the resistance. I read several of her posts about those damn puppies, but she can’t comment here?! Night night.

Being the constant chaser of Truth, and uber anal writing geek, I’ll be going back amongst our archives to update past articles. So this would be a good time to get caught up if you jumped in midstream. I’ll be visiting the network as well occasionally. We’ve got a new chat feature there, hope to see you online sometime.   

Deservation, as in I fuck’in deserve a break, but this can be your turn to shine. If you’d like to step up to the tablet with a funny geektastic post send it to dominus@dadominion dot com and if approved it’ll go up here and you’ll receive the title Lord/Lady Truthsayer marked in the pixels of da Dominion and emblazoned upon a t-shirt for you (when we get them, pinky swear).

Why not Dominus? There can be only one … and no, decapitating me wil only make you a lady in ass-pounding Jackson State Prison.

To thy self be True;
In a week I’ll see you.

Alien - the juxtaposition of that which is “normal” with the abnormal. Specifically those beings originating from far stars and filling our movies and TV with coolness. Listen as Hunin, Omari, Heaven, your Dominus - and sometimes Rib - wax geeky on those creatures not of this world.

All statments and specualtion made about whether real life celebrites are alien - or just gay - are intended as satirical humor and nothing more. Suck it litigants!

Dominion Cast 13 download (67 mins, 61MB)

Music from Walk’in on Neptune by ADC Level
Rib’s Siesta of Interest
What’s an Alien: Little Wayne, Michael Jackson, Sam Casssel
Cal-el the alien?
Da Borg
Lucas the Great Integrationist
Tracker Paul
Taken with Taken
Suck-Fi Channel
4400
2000-yawn
The Human Perspective of Spielberg
Big mouth, Little mouth

Dominary = Dominion Dictionary

The Dominion welcomes two new citizens - Emilie and Jamie - and many more closet readers for the secret army everyday. To help get them caught up on the postings, I present a list of the Dominion-approved jargon we use per article and podcast so that they may not be left in the dark like the newbs that they are. This entry will be updated as our lexicon grows. Readers are encouraged to submit new words or suggest variant usage for those listed.

Assholarity - the quality of being an asshole.
Becasue - (bee-KAH-zoo), a preposition term of Dominion/Japanese pidgin origin meaning “for this reason” or “Caused by this”. Also, the most common way I mistype the word “because”.
Bloggaverse - (BLOG-uh-verss) synonym for the “blogosphere” used by non-approved cretins and good folks that just don’t know any better, the real small-time blogs out there overlooked by the anti-blogging big bloggers. Why the new term? It’s emphasis is on “blog”, not “sphere”. Also, that shape reference denotes an evenly shaped static whole rather than the Truth of an massively expanding irregular mass full of dark spots slowly compressing popularity like gas to become stars one day. Most importantly, it’s easier to say around a mouth full of Cheetos or M&M’s.
Cunnilangual - adjective describing a style or content of speech meant to attract the approval of or engender admiration from women. This style differs from macking or spitt’in game in that it’s passive rather than actively persuasive though the same ends may be achieved.
Dominus - (DAH-men-noose) master of a domain or dominion with authority to make assertions incumbent upon his subjects to agree to or prove in err or elaborate upon. Colloquially, a talented handsome writer underappreciated by outsiders. Also, answer to the question “Who do I have to blow to get an discount on ad space?”
Fanaddict - a fan that gets too fanatic to the point of comprimising their humanity to serve or learn about celebrities because they are celebrities.
Fap - male masturbation. So named for the sound the activity makes, if you’re doing it right. See also Scratch’in your own Record below
Geek - a niche enthusiast that is annoying in their expressions of love for a topic most find trivial, weird or dumb. A casual mention about a pretty bird outside the window heard by the Ornithalogical geek can result in hours of your life being stolen with anedotes on the interior skills of the New Zealand Bauer bird. In general, think extroverted Nerd.
MGM - acronym for “Master Gamemaster”. One who must run a role-playing game becasue none assembled are as good at it as him, and that squirms under the reign of another.
Mafucka - contraction of “mother fucker”, term that is interchangeable with any masculine pronoun where the antecedent is engaged in an extreme behavior, or the object of said behavior
Marinate - as in “to marinate in desire”. A state of mild infatuation caused by the willful but nonmalicious halt of contact with another. Allowing absence to make the heart grow fonder. A possible emotional predecessor to stalking. Adrian Paul should consider this a warning.
Nerd - a niche enthusiast that is self conscience about themselves or unable to connect with others because of their love - a secret love perhaps - for their niche. This social difficulty often causes the nerd to retreat even deeper into their niche for acceptance. Years of pent up sociability can suddenly erupt in a geekgasm, resulting in mega geeky displays.Think of nerds as shy geeks.
Outlier - the quality of being counter to social expectations, usually with a negative connotation but not always. Negative example: the only other women in a male dominated office prejudicially avoiding the only other female coworker to blend in better, known as the Office bitch outlier. Neutral example: Outlier battle rap. Chinese heads my find this sweet as shit, not being a Chinese head it’s just outlier to me.
Palin Ugly - being militantly ignorant in the face of obvious and incontravertible details while being hot at the same time.
Pose Fu - a style of visual action choreography that emphasizes the interplay of manuevers and their counter moves, often slowing down the motion to enhance the gravity of the techniques involved. It’s the stunt coordinator saying, “Hey! Look at me! I’m more than a grip!” in efforts to enhance their resume. See also it’s contrast with Rapid Fu.
Rapid Fu- a style of visual action choreography that emphasizes the quick and chaotic nature of combat. The immediate effects of individual manuevers are shown without necessarily showing the movements that lead up to the effect. Have a bunch of actors that aren’t great at choreography but must portray badass killing machines? This is the style for you. Note the contrast to Pose Fu, the slower style of hiding actor clumsiness.
Rut - In a role playing game, the job or most frequent activity of the adventuring party or protagonists. Usually along the lines of: Prep spells, kill dozen goblins, loot, kill bugbear squads, loot, try to disarm magic riddle trap, resurrect thief, and then breakfast.
Sasquatcheeses - plural form of Sasquatch
Scratch’in your own Record - euphemism for masturbation, especially female.
Tribune - an official of a state charged with the execution of dutes a Dominus deems beneath his attention. Colloquially, the man to bitch to when something goes wrong and whom will pop his specs to show how smooth he is in reply.
Truth - the collectively consensual opinion of those involved in a discussion of topics that they may or may not be highly versed in.

I usually don’t write about Hollywood rumors for the reasons that it encourages Fan addiction and so banally common as to undercut the unique viewpoint that the web log is supposed to showcase.

If I write on the same story as one hundred and fifty thousand other bloggas (a term of endearment amongst us that you mere readers should not use) I’m basically like a sheep in the flock - one that hides his glasses, role-playing enjoyment and disparate dilettante knowledge in the naps of his wooly coat, therefore not representing his True friends off searching for reviews of House of the Blooded http://www.housesoftheblooded.com/ and other new fringe games the main flock considers laaaaaaaame.

I’m motivated by a cult interest here though. Ask any drone of the best comedic actors of these times and you’ll get responses of Steve Carell, Tina Fey, “that guy from Saturday night Live” and maybe even America Ferrera - who is a talented bit of latina guapa but I wouldn’t call her funny. No one would mention Amy Sedaris.

“Who’s she?” they’d ask - blinking frantically from guzzling their caffeine and sugar fatachino “coffee” vibrating in their manicured grasp and anticipation of a new celebrity for them to stalk and deify. She was the comedic lead in the much loved Strangers with Candy series that aired on Comedy Central for a mere three seasons while most were first getting into South Park, punctuating little not so inside jokes with “They killed Kenny”. You bastards are such slaves to trends.

This story about forty something drug addict prostitute returning home to finish high school was genius and the stylistic predecessor of TV greats Arrested Development and The Office. An after school special on crack, Steven Colbert co-wrote the show; he was on the Daily Show with Steve Carell, who is star of The Office - Strangers with Candy to The Office in only two Kevin Bacon degrees.

I only bring this up because there’s report that Sedaris is going to be starting a new show on Fox. I’d be excited if three seasons on Comedy Central didn’t translate to three shows before they cancel you. Then again this may give her license to go full bore nuts, which would make the show a hit.

It’s a matter of updating the humor to keep pace with sitcom powerhouses as ‘Till Death and American Dad … pretty easy actually.

Had I a video clip of what you were imagining, I’d sell it to the media and retire. I don’t, so the writing continues.

The match up is conservative columnist blogger (the title on her seems to devalue us all) Michelle Malkin and progressive news host Rachel Maddow. Donning the banner of amateur journalist, I freely admit my bias before judgment: Michelle Malkin is hot as fuck!

Before you liberal lady readers hit the browser back button and move to delete this page from your favorites, remember that this is not an opinion as you understand it and forgive me - much the way you would excuse your dog for curiously sniffing at garbage. It is simple Y chromosome hardwiring that says that a tan-skinned big mouthed Filipina possess more suitable genes for mating than the lesbian host of the MSNBC show I love so much.

Here comes the gender redeeming magic:

Eeew. Plain ugly. (ASIDE: I Freudian typed “Palin ugly” here in a feat of associative serendipity) See, it doesn’t pay to be polite on Fox. Dr. Hill’s little comment on him being a hero promptly brought on Malkin’s patented eye flare. Jarring enough to give her man McCain flashbacks of his own trial of heroism, the same expression a snake makes when spotting a fat mouse, this an expression of annoyance at being taken off stride - notice she stammers a bit before returning to her preprogrammed Fox News attack kata.

Calling it a “kata” isn’t racist, since that’s a Japanese term and she is not. This is racist:

Vietnamese joke? Nope. The voice is that of a World War II Filipino dance hall girl - READ YOUR HISTORY! Malkin did, and is a supporter of the Japanese-American internment of that time. That was for my Nipponese citizens, Do itashi mashite.

She tried to conflate Brook’s valid observance into hatred of the troops and Hill picked it up easy and batted it down by pointing out “That’s spin! This is the No Spin Zone!” This shut her down and she could only make that uber-patriotic platitude but the cold look on her face after uttering thanks to Dr. Hill said to me, “Next time, mafucka. Next time.” It was hard to find a more recent clip of Malkin gnawing at someone elses dignity. Perhaps because Fox recently leaves her to be only consulted by their other talking heads - the eye flair is murder for ratings. Ever see her and Ann Coulter on the same show? Could she be Coulter in a woman suit?

Exhibit B: a guest accusing her of fluff journalism essentially ambushes Rachel Maddow. David Frum is former speech writ … word-maker for Bush II; and though the Texan fumbled through them, their author is no rhetorical lightweight.

“False equivalence”, the elegant edge she threatened him with for more than half the exchange, Frum knew her snarky remarks about Palin and McCain couldn’t be equated to “BOMB OBAMA!” from anti-elitists. He excused McCain of guilt but she stuck with the ipoint that as supposed party leader he had the responsibility to raise level of the discussion with his followers.

He rallies to ask why Rachel doesn’t have conservatives on to speak for themselves. Her paraphrased response: “Because they’re chicken shit!” All Frum could do was politely nod after failing to trigger a Fox response: shouting you’re a liar, cutting your mic, threatening you with a luffa. Maddow took the elitist progressive liberal high ground reply of simply admitting her disagreement.

From this, we conclude in opposition to our built in masculine objectification with a statement Maddow and Malkin may equally find sexist: Rachel Maddow is one sexy bitch.