Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

If this blog’s usual contents are Rated R, consider this NC-17. Ear muffs for the kids, headphones for you - or a vasectomy - whichever works best for your arrangement is recommended.

What scarier way can there be to celebrate this carnal pagan holiday than with a bunch of geeks sitting around discussing what’s sexy and awkwardly flirting with each other? Nothing? Correct!

Hunin, Dairy Queen, Rib and a few shy giggles from Mrs. Hunin join me in a discussion of the rules of attraction (meat physics, not magnets). Many public figures are rated by our completely subjective but extremely meticulous scale. We also consider the impact of situation and personality in our great quest for beauty … or simply hotness.

Dominion Cast 14 download, 66 mins 60 MB

Music from the album Sex Invadaz by ADC Level

Potential Porn: A Plumber at Dairy Queen’s
Universal Beauty: Ass Chest and Long ones
1 to 10
Adjustments and Access
A 10: hunin’s friend Jennifer made Melyssa look like Marsha
Search for the 1
Mack’in America (Confidence is Key)
Age Matters: Ladies +, Dudes -
Off Limits!!!!
Auntie Titties
One Dudes
Worship da Domina!

A half a month ago I started on this little project to update D20 Modern to the general rules philosophy of fourth edition Dungeons and Dragons - to the casual interest of a dozen readers. Tonight we will conclude the design.

“What the hell does it matter? The Vancian magic system has been great for the past 30 years.”

No, grognard, it fuck’in sucks.

For the newb, let me explain this system in brief. You‘ve got a book full of cool spells/powers with various effects. Every day you have prepare your spells, meaning you’re game avatar/character must memorize most of the elaborate stuff that goes into actually making the magic work when you need it. Based on you’re level of magic awesome, you can prepare X amount of spells. When/if you need a certain power - like throwing globs of hot acid at a Troll or needing to run away like a cheetah when it doesn’t down the monster - you cast the spell, it does something, then you forget the spell completely. If you’ve prepared it again you can cast it again; if not, you’ll need a night’s sleep to be able to prepare it the next day.

Thank you non-gamer for reading that. Let’s illustrate using popular fiction: Gandalf from the Lord … that’s reaching too far maybe … Neo from the Matrix has got sweet ass powers cause he knows the Matrix is a big fucking video game and he OWNS at fuck’in video games. Neo beats up fifty Agent Smiths then … he takes a nap? Nah. Like any special power hero he does something kind of cool all the time - besides boning Trinity - like reading small patterns in the Matrix. Mr. Anderson every few scenes can do something really badass, say fly like Superman. Once per movie, Neo can do the absolutely awesome: come back from the dead, resurrect somebody he loves, or reboot the whole damn corrupted Matrix from the inside out.

This is how fourth edition D&D breaks down power usage into at will, per encounter (scene) and per day powers, which are concisely described in a paragraph or less on a little card you refer to. The old way looks decent on paper but can suck 15-30 minutes out of the game time with player research on what they should prepare or looking up a short article on exactly what the power can do. Example: third edition Web spell and fourth edition Web spell. Which game looks easier to break into for RPG-curious readers?

Here’s how we work it for D20 Modern

Three new talents open to all classes are created to reflect training in the three power categories of Arcane magic (esoteric equations), Divine magic (prayers to a higher power) and Psionics (mental powers). Whenever you take the talent, available every odd level starting at one, you gain access to a certain number of powers/spells equal to your relevant ability modifier (Arcane - Intelligence, Divine - Wisdom, Psionics - your highest modifier) plus 1. These are chosen from the power lists in the D20 Modern Core Rule book. .

The highest-level power you can choose from is half your character level rounded up for Arcane and divine casters, rounded down for Psions. You must have one more lower level power than higher level powers: if you get three powers, to have one power at level 1 you must have two powers at zero level. Your lowest level powers are usable at will, the remainder are usable on a per encounter basis (you’ve got to take a short rest before getting them back). Once you get access to level 2 powers, the zero level are yours at will, the middle levels beneath your maximum allowed level are encounter frequency and the highest level you have access to are available once a day.

Instead of targets rolling saves versus the power’s effects, the user rolls a check with their relevant ability versus the target’s Defenses to determine if an ability works.

There we go. A happy ending to a prolonged rules rub down without the sticky hands afterwards.

Halloween is right around the corner, and regrettably we’ve already blown our horrific load on the Dissertation of the Dead Dominion Cast. Not to worry though. This Friday’s return Cast will cover a topic scary than any legion of independent voting zombies.

A coworker of mine was mentioning how costumes for the spooky season should be spooky, as opposed to the super smutty costumes most woman break out in late October. She has an astute point on authenticity of All Hallows Even, when it was believed the barrier between life and death faded away, but what other holiday allows the ladies to dress like strippers? Who are we to judge their concept of horror? Gyrating against damp lonely fat man with a crumpled and soiled dollar quivering in his grubby grasp can be a valid depiction of hell - it is for me.

Compromise: sexy zombie chick. A few - to several dozen - pounds over weight, miss? Mo’Nique is just as scary.

With the upcoming historical election, you could take inspiration from the candidates. Get a short white haired wig worn with a regular old blazer and shirt ensemble. Now alter the sleeves a foot shorter and stick only your forearms out of the sleeves that now only go up to the elbows - like a T-Rex used car salesman. Hunch forward a bit and start all sentences with “my friends”. You’re an Arizona Senator!!!

Get yourself a much more expensive looking suit. Dye your hair blonde and cut it very short. Add blue contacts if your eyes aren’t naturally light. Put in some big novelty teeth and wear a large “Hope” button on the lapel, where a flag pin should be. You’re an Illinois Senator!!!

Everybody is going as The Joker. Though an excellent performance, such lack of creativity cannot be Dominion approved. Consider this:
1. Get a Joker suit, the purple jacket and green shirt, assuming any are left.
2. Get a disheveled sandy blonde wig of medium length.
3. Grow a good deal of stubble.
4. Apply white and ash make up to look like a fresh corpse.
5. Apply shaving cream to the corners of your mouth. Let dry to a crust.
6. Put white tick tacks into an old prescription bottle as a prop. Toss some back occasionally.
7. Occasionally mutter, “I miss Michelle.”

You’re ACTUAL Heath Ledger!!!

… Why so serious?

WAIT!!!

Before you tabletop d20 role-playing game non-fans conclude: “Ah, another uber nerdy D&D treatise that even I‘m too cool for,” then leave this article like you would an undesired plate of free Brussels sprouts (another rare taste craving), let me explain the importance of this hobby - and apologize for not reaching out to you whom don’t role play sooner. I should have revealed this Truth long ago.

Games are exercises in strategy creation to serve esoteric goals, getting the most players across home plate or owning the most property and board assets in Monopoly. The rules of the game are the parameters under which these methods of success must obey, no knocking out the umpire and having the bench merely cross home in a single file line nor snatching all the cards and plastic houses/hotels from the box top when know one is looking - you cheating bastard.

Role playing games (RPGs) are aimed at the mysterious objective “fun” by means of collaborative story creation, often tales emulating the action movie genre, with rules that set how certain events in the narrative can happen. The rules represent conventions of the genre that permit what a story can do. Your elf wizard can fly, if they know and cast the right spell based on their class (um, think job description) and level in that class (abstraction to represent their expertise in their job field). They are meant to convey a certain versimilatude or realism to the stories created, although you don’t risk being a raped by a dragon to move up - this is just a game, the professional world holds far worse violations.

So RPGs sit between the make believe games of children as a sort of improvisational theatre mediated by limited options like poker card combinations or allowed maneuvers on a basketball court. I’ve described it to non-gamers as being like chess where every piece has a background and ever move forms a movie scene, mostly eliciting polite changes in topic at best and accusations of Satan worship at worst - either way the odds of a second date take a sizable penalty under the rules of social life.

When rolling a d20 (twenty sided dice) to decide your chances of date two the average roll is 10, 1 is horrible “I’ve gotta go; please don’t ever call me” and 20 is superb “Let‘s take this to my place“, such a statement subtracts 8 to10 from your roll making the average response “You‘re not really my type; does eHarmony give refunds?“

It’s called “game” for a reason.

Dominion: Reinitiated

While on sabbatical, surveying prosperous sites to be conquered and pillaged, I found a web site that offers to determine a movie rating for your blog based upon word usage. What’s the link? No pay, no promotion: knowledge should be shared as a basic human endeavor, but this mere myopic opinion - hence I am therefore reluctant to spread more bullshit across the net. Our rating?

This gratifies us for two reasons: A. Truth is often a fuck ugly thing yet needs to be borne like a righteous burden lest we fall to the blissful automation of those that deem us geeks “weirdoes” while worshipping the creativity of celebrities, who are themselves merely popular weirdoes; and B. the black/red chromatic contrast of the banner complements our predominant color scheme - one can be righteous and vain simultaneously.

This rating was earned because our most recent posts feature the word “bitch” thrice, “shit” twice and even once the scandalous adjective “sexy” is used. Really? R rating for THAT?! The last restricted material I saw featured glistening erect nipples bouncing with jarringly power thrusts to a staccato chorus of determined grunts and wondrously breathy cries of the joyful relief found only in the humid haze of flesh tangling carnal union - like this.

I confess one pundit is “hot as shit” and deem another a “sexy bitch” and it’s tantamount to the libidinous image I just painted? Someone needs to get laid - or Cinemax (yeah, the internet has more potent exhibitions but let’s not shock the prudish system).

It’s True there’s only so much a program can do, but I’d rather rely on the perception of a fellow sapient - hence the comments and sharing options offered, if seldom used, below. There’s also accuracy to the stereotype that geeks and nerds are socially challenged, but they also have higher than average incomes and the discretion to evade anti-prostitution laws or means to visit Nevada, the Orient or Amsterdam - bringing the perfectly legal Sailor Moon costume in luggage. In Japan, you can get them in motel vending machines … so I hear.

The Internet is global, not provincial. Let’s leave the fucking Puritans buried shall we? Sorry, coming off vacation I don’t feel much like a necrophilia joke here.