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No. Not the little game you and your wife play where you dress like a fire hydrant and she’s the forceful female fire fighter with the happy hose. Whatever it takes to keep the spice in the marriage that’s your fuck’in business - literally. I’m talking about when the game, or more specifically, the story the group plays features themes of a sexy mature nature.

This isn’t very common in my experience. Often gamers are … well, nerds who have social issues that result in shyness around people they haven’t known for thirty years. Most are reluctant to adopt funny voices that may capture their characters persona - unlike geeks such as myself that revel in the full experience. That lesson on nomenclature is something for the reader to take away: nerds are lame from their awkwardness, geeks will annoy you with their mastery of subject. So sayeth your Dominus Digg (GSS/CC/U W++ t++ R+++> tv+++).

Another factor is that many of the works that RPG tradition is based upon aren’t very saucy. To my recollection, Tolkein mentioned Aragorn and Arwen lying naked on a hill once, but that’s it. I bet he didn’t describe the laying of the one pipe in much detail to his kids, and that Legolas is braiding Gimli’s beard is left unspoken - rightfully so. More futuristic settings also don’t sully themselves with the grimy details. Jabba liked the lithe humanoids - we shudder to think what he did with his harem girls. Mostly, given the possibilities of crippling imagery and the ages involved with many first time players and the back light the hobby has been cast in, it’s for the best to shy away from the adult stuff - although gaming art has shaved it close with it’s objectifying representations.

As adults there’s no sanctuary outside of tradition. I blame vampire LARPers (Live Action Role Players) myself. The ordinary nerdy gamer girl gets a new sense of liberation when she’s dominatrix decked out and playing make believe acting out steamy Anne Rice vixens. The non-physical nature of tabletop may encourage flirty innuendo to descriptive action. This can be an issue for the fantasies it reveals, the picturing of … nice personality players in explicit scenes, the distracting daydreams of gamer hotties in the same scenes or just cause it’s damn creepy.

Enough summation, it’s time for solutions. Ways to deal with it:

1. Outright tell the offenders they’re being gross. Speaking up for yourself doesn’t make you an asshole necessarily - throwing food as you shout it does.

2. Fight fire with fire. If they describe sex vividly, you could describe other realistic things as vivid - like cutting off an orc’s head or disemboweling a monster for possible jewels they could’ve swallowed. Your efforts may communicate the problem by putting them in your place; or, at least take away some of their screen time.

3. Inject some realism of your own into the rules or suggest them to your DM. Start making pregnancy rolls for each encounter. Saves to resist diseases are a relevant threat. Even just tagging them as fatigued afterward, when the goblin archers are about to ambush the camp before they can slip their armor back on.

4. Step it up a notch and suggest an ad hoc orgy. Those that don’t threaten to leave, kick out of the group … maybe get their number first.

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