Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

My cousin watches professional wrestling, which appears to be a cat fight amongst male strippers. I used to watch WWF wrestling as a child with much glee as the bad guys tossed around the good guys with overblown rough-housing the likes of which I wasn’t permitted to engage in. Still, many a match was re-enacted in secret between myself and the aforementioned cousin, four years my junior, during outdoor play time. Many holds and manuevers involved many bruises and hard head rattling - the latter of which may be why said cousin still watches wrestling.

At 10 or so, I recall watching a match between Koko B. Ware and some guy that didn’t deserve a televised entrance to the ring whose named was forgotten immediately upon Koko making his appearance, to the screams and high fives of fans with “The Bird” by The Time from the Purple Rain soundtrack blasting through the arena. At this point, I knew Koko would start off even with, get hammered by, then rise like a jherri-curled-phoenix to colorfully beat the ass of this failed athlete.

Blissful ignorance passed away with a level of my immaturity, and soon other Cocoas intrigued me.

To his credit, wrestling has now embraced equal opportunity (if not the feminist spirit) by having “Divas” rolling around with each other and he does enjoy MMA as well - my preferred form of competitive violence outside of homoerotic dramatic interpretations of legendary Greek wars. I asked about the contradiction between this sport and wrestling, to which he replied that MMA is a sport while WWE is “sports entertainment“. Entertainment?

Most find sports entertaining enough, even an elitist nerd like myself. When Mike Tyson threatened to eat Lennox Lewis’s children, from his past actions, the kids seemed to be actually on the fucking line. Fortunately, fatherly love won out over exotic cravings. Sports rivalries already exist in full bloom, so why the extra dramatic flourish? When B. J. Penn is about to oxygen-starve some guy’s brain, I’m all in. If the opponent made cracks about barefooted poi-sucking lava-leaping Hawaiians, would this really make his asphyxiation sweeter … ok maybe it would, but WWE stays politically correct with a dozen variations of “On [date], at the nth [event title], I’m gonna kick you in the ass, repeatedly! Grrrr!”. He’s at a barbeque at the opponents house later that week to enjoy grilled tofu and bok choi to stay lean for their fight.

It’s a billion dollar enterprise, so is hair waxing - mainly from the business wrestlers give them. Athletic skill is required, but when the emphasis is on technical execution and flair in the telling of a story moreso than actual competition you’re watching a dancing exhibition. Could the average wrestler kick my ass? Dunno, I’ll check the script.

I like leaving movies unspoiled, although I care little about spoilers myself.

Unless there’s some killer twist involved, I don’t mind much hearing about scenes because how they are done can’t be fully captured in words, being part of the cinematic artistry. The Mona Lisa is some Italian lady faintly smiling with a landscape to her back; you still don’t get the effect of the composition though. Bruce Willis being a ghost IS a spoiler, and for those that don’t know I won’t mention the M. Night Shyamalan career-making drama that’s involved … That co-starred Haley Osment … was released in 1999 … with a title that rhymes with “6 pence”.

Tropic Thunder is worth admission and gas costs. If you don’t trust my discretion, you can stop reading now. For the faithful, I’ll elaborate.

This is the second Ben Stiller joint, by which I mean the second film he’s written and directed, with the first being Zoolander. “Joint” references the phrase “a Spike Lee joint” self-describing his own movie projects - and although he’s too much of a short angry black dude to write comedy - Stiller can (like many short angry Jewish men). Tropic Thunder shows an elevation in his filmmaking from it’s multi-layered blurring of the fourth wall. This is a comedy flick about the making of an action war drama with the meat of the sandwich is a parody of actors and Hollywood culture.

Sounds like a lot, and it is. The movies comes off as a little busy overall, too much of an ensemble for Ben to handle. Jack Black is underused despite being a third of the promotional poster and an established comedic actor. Kung Fu Panda gave me an overdose of the Motion Picture Academy’s recommended yearly allowance of Black anyway, so I‘m not cheated. Much of his tertiary comedy allotment was devoted to Tom “Fuck’in Bananas Star Baby” Cruise of all people, and …rightfully so. “Cruise is funnier than Black?” Yes, bitch, yes! His role makes up for a lot of the plot’s convolutions - if you‘re LOLing mission accomplished damn it.

Matthew McConaughey was sufficient, but Robert Downey was a big draw that delivered.

On an aside, I refuse to add “Jr.” after his name. Unless you’re a fan of the obscure films Rented Lips or Too Much Sun, when have you ever referenced RD senior? Notice above I didn’t write “Haley Joel Osment” either, it’s a name not a lordly title! As a fetus you got nominated for Best Supporting in the 6^th Sense (yes, that’s the movie - suck it!), but I don’t need your complete etymological pedigree, toe-headed muthafucka.

Downey captured his role as a character actor in ridiculous role masterfully. A lot of folks have been up in arms about this being a new kind of black face minstrel portrayal - and it kind of is, but within the movie. He plays the Australian actor Kirk Lazarus’ skewed interpretation of black Creole sergeant Lincoln Osirus - in effect RD playing Gary Oldham playing Courtney Vance playing the Doc Johnson character in Hamburger Hill. It makes you want to slice out your own eyes with a Netflix envelope when diagramed out this way, but in action it’s funny from the way Downey lets the Aussie peak out from behind the black façade in tense moments. It’s not making fun of black people, but more so making fun of white people whom think they understand black people.

Speaking of which, their actual token Black dude is played by Detroit-born comedian Brandon Jackson as the gangster rapper Alpa Chino in the Laurence Fishburne’s role from Apocalypse now. His exchanges with Downey are pretty good for venting the annoyance a black man would with this “Aussie nigga”.

So, kind of complicated with a plot that starts off somewhat feasible but says, “Fuck it” as it goes along. You won’t mind this though as you’re focused on not throwing up Goobers from laughing so hard.

A discussion of literature turns into a cultural and historical analysis of the place of written media in our world … fueled by the ever delicious Molson XXX. Your Dominus is joined by citizen Rib once again, this time with a couple of our favorite Know-it-Alls Omari and Anson (the latter left early for his tea and scone supper).

Reading Recommendations - Digga: The Road Less Traveled, Rib: For Women Only, Omari: Hold on to your N.U.T.s, Anson: Roots: The Saga of an American Family

DominionCast 5 download (62 MB, 68 mins)

Index
Intro - Redding PSA
Knot nuff Reed’in for them Youngins 1:50
Net Knowledge 4:30
Life’s Stories 7:35
“We ain’t got no TV!” 9:55
Belt Learn’in vs Rewarded Learning 14:50
A Legacy of Literacy 27:20
Taking the Literate Feat 42:53
Help your Self, stupid 45:48
Magazini Style 1:01:30
Resolved! 1:06:30
Outro - Jean Luc’s Advice

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-e823a0e05e56c06e2a69bdf3954f05f6}

Although Temuera Morrison is a bad ass Kiwi and well respected actor, especially in roles where he beats the wife or kills European bad guys with a tribal spear or gun, which ever is handy and period appropriate, this isn’t about him. It is relevant though to point out that not even he, who has added his voice to many Star Wars video games, was onboard with this new Star Wars: The Clone Wars … “movie” (linking to this would make me an enabler).

Ian McDiarmid didn’t show for Palpatine and though Sam Jackson did show up for his 3 to 4 lines it was likely the favor to be named later Lucas traded him for the pimp-purple lightsaber years back. In between serious dramatic roles, like beating the skank out of Christina Ricci, he’s the only trilogy actor to be connected with this. Anthony Daniels showed too for a few lines, but what the fuck else is he doing - polishing the thigh plates on the old suit when not in full costume serving as a butler at Skywalker Ranch?

I enjoyed Cartoon Network’s Clone Wars mini-series so was willing to check out a big screen version. Also, if I may have a moment of vulnerability, I think every deep Star Wars fan in their heart or hearts is looking for a redeeming piece to re-embrace the franchise. Darth George anticipated this weakness, and after bisecting your Dominus from belly to heart to shoulder, looted my wallet for another few bucks.

The 2D animation on the TV series was better than the movie. It had the look of a stop-motion Tim Burton movie but even choppier. Animated lips only often matched the words being spoken. Sabers flashed brightly and punctuated every maneuver in combat, completely aborting the fluid Wushu style of the prequels. I would have minded less if they spliced in a Ryan versus Dorkman clip. There was a duel scene in the series of Ventress fighting Anakin in a jungle with rain steaming off their sabers - nothing in this movie approaches that scene.

Lucas and Gilroy’s story doesn’t really acknowledge the TV show but doesn’t do it’s own exposition either. There’s not even an opening crawl. We learn from an old timey news reel like scene that Jabba’s son - yeah, son - has been kidnapped by the unknown forces and that the Republic must save him or the Hutt Clan leader will give his support to the Separatists. This follows the logic of the universe mostly, as the Jedi are a baby saving type and Jabba would be dick enough to extort them into a favor. Twist one is that the Separatist have actually kidnapped the larva, so foregone a conclusion they make no attempt to hide and have their droids defending the plot in the open.

Once Annie and his new pad wan save the kid - yes, Yoda has given a learner to mister dangerously powerful and moody. Ahsoku is this jailbait alien chick that is reckless and wise cracks on Anakin, but often shows better judgment than he does. I like her mainly for the reverse grip lightsaber style that one of my player characters used in an old campaign - Nicole’s Cythe Nocturne. Dooku tells Jabba the Jedi plan to kill the kid. Showing a holo-image of Annie and the learner taking care of the baby Hutt proves this. The crime boss of the Outer Rim, whom is too wise to be Force suggested, completely buys this lie although the Jedi are SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THE KID!

That taste in the back of your mouth is bile. I went to the men’s room at this point and considered leaving but returned to get my jollies by mentally changing my perceptions Zen/JedI style to make this movie a spoof. Didn’t help much. Turns out there’s a side plot with a Truman Capote-like Uncle of Jabba’s helping Dooku with the scheme. This existed solely to bring in Padme, and therefore gave Daniels screen time, to have a little piece of the adventure. Came off like an afterthought and the time could’ve been better spent on say … story or character development?

Spoiler alert, the ending is happy. This is for kids that are 6 to 8 years old, whom pay no attention to story but like flashy colors. Everyone else shouldn’t even wait for DVD. When it comes to cable, and there’s nothing else on, watch it. If History Channel is showing a program on Greek-era sewage treatment, TiVo this movie.

On we go with the fan boy flagellation of shows I like less than this overlooked animated series of action, angst, and acerbic wit. GO TEAM VENTURE!

#12. Power Puff Girls & #11. Spongebob Squarepants

I’m generally going to call these kid shows that are merely primetime because of the advent of all-cartoon and child interest channels. Primetime is prime because finally you’ve got the brats to sleep, and if you’ve got teens they’re occupied: doing homework, on the net, getting drunk/stoned with friends, choking themselves, or fucking/pursuing it with other teens - whatever their hobbies happen to be.

This is adult time for adult shows. Too early for porn - if you’re single or dating - but late enough to reconnect with your spouse over a good laugh or other programming at your level of maturity. If you’re watching these kind of shows at primetime, feel free to bang your helmeted head against the monitor to show your anger. Teh wurdz wil goe wai sune.

#10. King of the Hill

Futurama: cancelled, but this bullshit is about to start season 13!!! Why is this show even animated when it could be a live-action sitcom without loosing anything? Can’t find a handsome native to play John Redcorn? Can’t find an elderly actor to do Dorf-like shtick to portray Cotton Hill (now dead)? It’s cheaper, sure, but shouldn’t animation be …um … er… ANIMATED?! Decent if clichéd characters and chuckle worthy plots, but what the hell that is impressive about the show escapes me. I do enjoy redneck humor, but the writers are as unimaginative as the characters they’ve made to mock uninspired red staters that form the bulk of a Fox audience.

The Top 10 is breached.

#9. Space Ghost: Coast-to-Coast

What we used to watch when we were the high/drunk teenagers. Funny for it’s time, it’s what I imagine IGN editors talk about when they’re trying to pal around with their writer subordinates - with similar scenes happening at Cartoon Network and other creative companies. Not quite for the Ovaltine generation of fan boy, but those a little older than us: the Grungers, spearhead of Gen X.

I do appreciate the dialogue focused comedy, but you can tell watching it now that it got over on being a novel concept: some awkward real life guest being pitched oblivious non sequiturs by a forgotten super hero. It’s descendants Sea Lab 2021, Aqua Teen and Harvey Birdman are more preferred for their faster paced bizarreness of concept and imagery.

#8 Home Movies

A rub because I really like this show, and for the first time must actually consider it next to Venture Bros. It’s animation is very choppy and blocky but intentionally so being told from the point of view of children. It’s dialogue and characterization are top notch being very witty but genuine with real personalities but not overblown. To contrast with King of the Hill, Coach McGurk and Bill are both fat losers. While Bill is over the top in his stupidity and depravity, McGurk fights to hide his similar flaws, sometimes, with clear macho overcompensating. You’ll chuckle at Bill, but you know someone like McGurk, making him funnier.

Home Movies is defeated because it’s simplistic, with Venture having both more depth and a complex plot archs with recurring villains that may not be fully detailed but soliciting questions - like a comic. Similar to King of the Hill, Home Movies could easily be live-action, sort of flat but funny. It’s a matter of mood whether I’d watch one or the other.

#7 The Critic

Absolutely stinks! One of the new generation to follow the Simpson’s, but not even a cross over in Springfield could save it. How it got this high I can’t fathom, more than likely some grundger added it for the memories of Jon Lovitz on SNL with Dana Carvey and Mike Myers during the post Eddie Murphy depression. Fox made the right call ejecting this puss ball from the line up - though many could‘ve stayed. For these excellent shows like Freaks and Geeks, The Tick and Firefly, we hold a line of silence …

#6 Ren and Stimpy

A classic that lets you know the list makers know their shit some of the time.

The exact opposite of the dialogue focused style, R&S was all about the juvenile gross out art and absurdity story ideas, like the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen. Remember the nerve-ending fairy? Gritty Kitty litter that could withstand horse shits? Don’t whiz on the electric fence! My friends and I laughed ourselves sore. For all this nostalgia I could get looped in, R&S is essentially a kids show like Power Puff Girlz and Spongebob. This is an excellently done cartoon, without the plot cohesion and substance of a real series though- just insanely surreal gags.

#5. Family Guy

So funny Fox couldn’t keep it cancelled. It’s syndicated reruns were beating the late night giants with their fresh guest and real life people, audiences preferred Quahog. Amazing, and deservedly so.

Characterization is the power of the show, which is otherwise a essentially a sketch comedy program. Someone makes an off the wall comment from left on say … Chester Cheetah being intense sending us to a sketch of the Cheetos mascot snorting chopped up puffs like blow and worshipping Neil Pert. In between these we have a pretty shallow but intense cast that gets really interesting once we get to the alcoholic middle-aged talking dog and the sophisticated super villainous talking gay baby.

The one fault that brings FG down is it’s unoriginality of concept, not execution. This is a more cartoonish Simpson’s with a more mature edge and satire traded in for pop cultural allusions. At the core it‘s another variant of the family sitcom started by Flintstones. Venture Brothers is based off Johnny Quest but is radically different from it’s forbearer taking the concept of a pulp super scientist with family adventure category into a comedic direction that has more substance than the original.

Thin? Thicker than your Mom’s lingerie, and from the way her head is furiously bobbing she agrees.

#4 Beavis and Butthead

King of the Hill style with Space Ghost appeal, NEXT! Think I’m too harsh, watch an old episode now.

#3. Futurama

This can’t be defeated … yet. Futurama was an excellent series that managed four seasons, and is still making movies until it‘s return (hopefully). If VB can make it that long, we’ll see get a rematch. Otherwise, I love them equally.

Both have an excellent balance of comedy and action, both are sci-fi themed, both have great memorable characters, both have made references to D&D and fan boy culture. Action packed with detailed characters and plot archs with enough adult content to get the rewind and pause buttons used - hence mature. Futurama had Gygax on though, that’s a tall mug of win with a shot of awesome boilermaker. Those that disagree may die of a crushed pelvis (not an awful way to go).

Venture Brothers is #4. South Park and The Simpsons are unassailable juggernauts, taking down them would require a cross into the realm of bullshitery - even more so than some may say I’ve gone.