A Reason to Visit the Zoo
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I’d go to our local zoo, provided the Mayor hasn’t sold it for lawyer money yet, if this new story pans out:
The “official” site: http://www.searchingforbigfoot.com/
It’s likely a hoax. Not because I belief we know the world so extremely well that it’s a scientific impossibility, but because … look at the fucking thing. Looks like the bastard son of Chewbacca and a grown up Alice Snuffleupagus sleeping off a hangover in a refrigerator after getting blitzed cause Dad won’t accept him as a true warrior of Kashyyyk and no one believes Mom exists. In the backlash of this scandal he decides to go to AA to get himself cleaned up. There, an old friend of the family - Telly - becomes his sponsor, revealing that he’s the youth’s real father in a tearful breakthrough.
This is the only picture? If I hunted sasquatchesses (Dominion-approved plural form) for years, suffering the scorn of even my bestiality enthusiast park ranger peers, and found one of those I’d have the camera right up in his grill taking dozens of pics. He’d be hung up from a tree with me next to him striking Abu Ghraib guard poses at his dredlocked junk. Atrocious respect for a legend, maybe, but how big is the biggest deep freezer you’ve ever seen? They may have had to cut off his legs to get him in … if this wasn’t a fake. We had a shag carpet when I was child, which they’ve recovered and placed with a not so groovy halloween mask. Not even a pic of the hands, mouth, or big fuck’in feet?!
I want bigfoot to be real from an anthropological curiosity. Where would they fit in the primate family? How they hell did they hide for so long? Are they sapient? Can they ball? Would they vote Republican or Democrat? Would Oprah buy them a plot of land to hide in? How long until Paris Hilton makes a sex tape with one? Maybe they’re better off legendary.
Even skeptics are open to the possibility:
Easy to understand the attraction of something new coming into the world that isn’t another patch for Vista, Soul Caliber sequel, or yogurt to help you shit.
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