Da Dominion: Home of DOMINIONCAST!

My memory vaguely recalls many years back when I was a geekling of 5 or 6 visiting my dad in Lexington and seeing my first anime on Boston daytime TV.

It ran with a storyline of a doomed Earth with episode countdown and featured as it’s centerpiece an aircraft carrier or some other naval ship of the line in space — which I knew from Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica to be utter bullshit (even if I didn’t know that exact phrasing). Water not for space; water for ocean, dum-dum head! (Yes, I’ve been using semi-colons from a young age)

Had they left in the fanservice of the original a life long anime-addict would’ve been born. I wonder perversely how many boys creamed first to what were supposed to be just kids cartoons (given the devotion/addiction of some for Anime, ALOT)

Years after that as a pre-teen I saw Robotech for the first time and was formally introduced to Anime. The adult themes, sweet-as-shit transformable jets and FUCK’IN graphic illustration of death in war set it apart, above, and beyond the cartoons it shared timeslots with. Unlike G.I. Joe’s last minute bailouts — even for Cobra pilots — this series showed ANYONE could buy it in war.

When Roy Focker, ultra-cool Skull squadron commander ace whom played guitar and had a Black girlfriend, died on a date trying to get some last booty; a kid was sold!

Fast forward to last weekend. I was discussing the StarBlazer Adventures RPG in development, based on an English heavy metal sci-fi comic book of the 70‘s. I goggled StarBlazer for some background and guess what turned up? OLD-ASS Star Blazers (aka Space Battleship Yamato in Japan), that first anime I saw nearly thirty years ago!

I’ve been watching the old episodes I can on the net, now through the eyes of a seasoned geek, and find them to be pretty cool. It’s more action compared to Robotech — which is damn near an All My Children in space, not that I watch All My Children … REALLY — yet a sci-fi saga nonetheless. There were three seasons and several movies for it and I’m tempted to assimilate them all (their narrative distinctiveness WILL be added to my own). There’s even talk of a new series.

Recent discussion on the forums regarding literature classics coinciding with this discovery of an Anime classic is fortunate and promises new portals into creativity. Although my growing Must Read list may have a new competitor … damn it! … NOT ENOUGH TIME! *Head explodes*

TOP ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: Rapper … Singer? … Entertainer T-Pain nominated for 5 BET Awards!!! Well, if you collaborate — squeal the chorus – on nearly every R&B and Rap single for the past two years the question becomes, “Why so little?” He’s leading Kanye West and Keyshia Cole by two nominations each; but, of course, these are the BET Awards – and those two ARE talented.

BET, for you non-Negroes, is Black Entertainment Television — which could aptly be Bullshit Entertainment TV or Black Evil Television, as Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder puts it. You likely passed by it skipping through channels and through involuntary pain reaction reflex clicked the changer button in 1/64^th the time you usually average.

Imagine an entire network full of programming like the Caucasian version of Good Times, Sanford and Son, and Soul Train that played no other music than Maroon 5 and Hilary Duff because it represents what the entire mass of what European-Americans “love“.

WAIT! Before you pull the trigger on the pistol in your mouth, let me repeat: This is only hypothetical.

B. Evil TV is ironically the best argument against affirmative action in existence. It’s choosing programming based on how Black it is rather than quality. Top shows are 106 and Park — the Black Total Request Live — and College Hill — the all Black Real World (kinda defeats the point of mixing different people). Two shows plagiarized from other shows that jumped the shark a decade ago. They ARE black and sell ad time, so it’s all good though. Fill the airways with crap, then promote the shit out of it, to give awards later for what stuck to the wall the longest: that’s entertainment!

Now occasionally they will show a video by an artist I like Talib Kweli or Gnarls Barkely, but it’s mostly just “sangers” - singers that showcase more of their asses than their voices. I did see a great hour and half documentary on the life of soul legend Marvin Gaye, his life, influences, and contributions.It was on PBS’ American Masters, likely too cerebral for BET.  

NO! This is not a spoiler on the name of their next movie …at least not that I’m aware of, but it does seem plausible in the series. Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay is more than an apt successor to their trip to White Castle, even showing the grim aftermath of a real trip to WC.

Boob, bush, weed, shit joke style is fully maintained and I laughed even a bit more this time. Comedy is often the assertion of the absurd, and with writers Hurwitz and Schlossberg now directing too, the ridiculous is pushed so far it needn’t be clever - just present. The name of the game was escalation: backwoods boobs to bottom-less party, NPH on ex and strippers to shrooms and a whore house, cheetah to Cyclops, crazy blacks folks in food to black torture via grape soda (still LMBAO), racist neighbor X-tremers to government racism in the extreme.

This one was obviously far more of a commentary on new age prejudice than the first, and managed to lace the message with more humor as well by going ultra insane yet vaguely plausible with the racist Homeland Security agent played by Rob Corddry. Besides a singular antagonist they even got in a full romantic subplot as well to flesh out Kumar. If you liked the first, you’ll love the second; if not, here’s a pair of pliers to pull the iron rod out your rectum.

Baby Mama … meh. I really like Tina Fey’s writing for NBC’s 30 Rock, but the duchess of geek chic didn’t right this script. She merely added needed lemon zest to Mike McCullers’ salt-less poached salmon (DAMN YOU TOP CHEF, haunting my soul!). It seemed written for the dynamic dame duo of Fey and Poehler, Tina awkwardly straight-lace contrasted to Amy’s zany silliness. The dialogue and interplay was good — especially since in true SNL fashion they cast half of their buddy/co-workers – yet many were under used.

The plot was obvious from the credits. I don’t think Greg Kinnear makes movies unless the leading lady is laying his character — so that wasn’t really a spoiler. I could smell the sweetness of the happy ending from outside of the theater, likely left over from previous screenings. I wouldn’t be surprised if women adore it, so as a date movie points can be scored with the squeeze.

 Just be sure you don’t end up with a baby mama yourself, it doesn’t look that funny in reality.

Interior color schemes, decorative floral arrangements, pink suspension bridges; no sweetie pants, it’s not that type of a design. Game masters design games. Welcome to the first in a series of just that.

Mike runs a D20 campaign I play in on Fridays and has been inspired by the “Iron Lords of Jupiter” mini-game found in Dungeon magazine. The genre: Planetary Romance. Think sci-fi Conan on a weird day-glow Jupiter, sans bone-crushing pressure and lung searing frozen supersonic winds. (Fortitude save DC 780 every round … or die).

To conjure some ideas, Mike had us juggling different pulpy titles as adventure seeds, concepts to base stories upon. You know, like “Illinois Jenkins and the Trailer Park of the Damned” or “The Reefer Madness of Buster Rhymes”. I came up with the concept of “Mr. Steven and the Lusty Gorilla Amazons”, mainly to poke fun at one of the players: a slight-framed spectacled studious guy covered in lipstick marks in a tug-of-war between two bikini-clad ape-women. *chuckle* When the GM asked for our input to populate the setting, I thought the ludicrous concept could be salvaged and refined.

Lets look at the concept: Lusty … Gorilla … Amazons … SEXY!

Their libidos can wait for now — I hope — let’s focus on the basics, these are gorilla warrior women. Strength is going to be high, we could justify a +4 but that’s more for true monsters and I see them as a race: Strength +2. Gorillas are very intelligent for animals but you’re job wont be outsourced to one … yet. Intelligence -2 fit’s the animalistic nature and primitiveness of an Amazon. Balanced? Nah. A huntress needs Wisdom; shall we knock down Charisma to make them the half-orcs of our setting? Some GMs would, but I R Master-GM! I say we double down on the primitive: -4 to attack rolls and skill checks when using Medieval or more advanced technology (PL2+).

Good start, but being warriors — and old school ones at that — an edge is needed. Scent ability is hunter type all the way. Ranged attacks get +2 when throwing their feces, fitting but too animalistic and silly. Mobility for chasing down prey is good, but gorillas aren’t really speedsters on foot. Arboreal lends itself to jumping though: +8 to the Jump skill. In a heavy undergrowth terrain like the jungle normal movement is cut to a fourth, which leaping circumvents. Speaking of heavy foliage, Low-Light vision’s good too.

Lusty … eew. The subtext is that these bitches are serial rapists of men, but how do you get it up with Ko Ko holding you down — in more ways than one? I’m thinking we go to the mystical to solve the issue: Call of the Wild extraordinary ability. They can coo in a hypnotic rhythm as a standard action that effects male mammals within 60ft and requires a Willpower save with DC 10 + ½ their Hit dice + Charisma modifier — Charisma amongst brutes, how avant guarde. Failing the save results in a Fascinated effect. So we get some of the Siren myth in there too.

As a name for these primate Amazons, because gorilla-bitch won’t fly, we go with Primazons – it’s pulp, corny is welcomed. Next time we’ll flesh out their territory, culture, and whether bigger bananas really are better.

I’m not a foodie, but anyone with eyes can see I like food — blind people can feel the fanning of fork to plate to mouth when near. Cooking shows aren’t amongst my favorites on the boob tube, though I will linger on Rachel Ray for a sec to watch her bend over for something or catch that cute, cherubic sausage-loving smile.

Competitions I do dig though, and combined with eats I’ll stay tuned. Two shows in particular grab me for how they mix these tasty elements.

Hell’s Kitchen is one of the FOX shows I’ll watch, mainly for the drama — if that’s what you can call innocent cooks being berated to break down. British master and star Chef Gordon Ramsey – some kind of experimental Shar Pei-human hybrid that was trained in the culinary arts but never domesticated — takes cooks from Denny’s, nannies, sous chefs, or even just stay-at-home parents and offers them a fancy restaurant of their dreams in exchange for their dignity.

“You con’t make fucking pah-stah, you worthless ahss!!” is the type of constructive criticism they receive weekly as finalists are whittled down by team backstabbing and workplace emotional atrocities. Under cooked halibut, overcooked steak, and pride get thrown across the kitchen while a glass partition lets the near-starving diners know how much of a failure you are — and that they should’ve ordered pizza. The goal for the first half of the season is usually just completing a full dining service without a suicide.

I LOVE Hell’s Kitchen in a very sadistic way. The competitors are gathered from a large variety of skill levels so you know who the fuck ups are and now just have to figure out how bad they’ll piss off Ramsey, and how bloody he’s going to verbally scourge them. It’s like I’d imagine watching Christians thrown to the lions was like, but more prayers for mercy and far less mercy given.

Bravo, la channel de conceit, has Top Chef: more professional competition than slaughter. Hosted by the mild-mannered but no less picky Chef Tom Colicchio and the achingly fine Padma “I can turn gay men straight” Lakshmi; the show tests competitors on cooking within a budget, conceptual originality, quick technique and theme incorporation — things a real gourmet would be tested on.

There’s no voting off of the unpopular or strategically feared. Dishes are judged by the hosts (yes, Padma can cook too *drool*) and a panel of the world’s best chef/epicureans — so if you suck, you REALLY, EMPIRICALLY SUCK IT.

My creative side is enamored with this contest. “Using mussels, dandelions, and A1 steak sauce create a dish with the theme of the hit 80’s TV show Happy Days within a budget of $15 in 1 hour, GO!“ I’ll be DAMNED if they don’t pull it off too! It really demonstrates what the art in culinary arts is all about.

If Hell’s Kitchen is WWF Wrestling, Top Chef is Mixed Martial Arts — with KNIVES. No spa dates to winners or degrading punishments for losers, Bravo showcases straight culinary ownage of one chef over another in the arena of their life’s work judged by the greatest masters of the field.

Hell’s Kitchen does have freak-outs though, so it’s a toss up.