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Comedians: the only people left that can speak the truth and not be labeled a traitor, insensitive, or idiots. In obvious ways I aspire to be like them, but I trade the embarrassment of making an ass of myself in public — accept for when I’m drink’in — for the obscurity of being one deranged voice in the twisted sea of Internet crackpots.

Despite the job title, not all are funny. Even more troubling, fame doesn’t always follow the talent; and eerily, most aren’t lookers - so what fuck’in beauty are they bringing to be beheld? Jessica Alba can stare at a web cam — and FAIL to do that right, 1:05 – yet get 4 million hits. Let Joan Rivers do that. You’d get 3.5 million vomit drenched monitors, 450 thousand cosmetic surgery cancellations and 50 thousand conspiracy nuts claiming to have video footage of a real alien. Have old girl do her routine, we’ll be entertained for hours — or until she dies, whichever comes first.

Hopefully, Mo’nique goes first. I am sick of this burly bitch. You’re OK with your weight — we GET IT. Morbidly obese woman can be sexy — DEBATEABLE. I’m a confessed voluptuophile, but it has a limit: when your waist is wider than your hips — and don’t keep moving the waistline higher, I GOT EYES!! For being repetitive and bitter, may the goddess Diabetess amputate Mo’nique’s head first.

Carlos Mencia has got an ego bigger than Mo’Nique’s ass for no damn reason. Is he proud of filling the schedule slot Chappelle walked away from, filling in beaner for nigger jokes? I heard he’s a material thief but haven’t been able to sit through a whole set or show of his, so I can‘t say. His delivery looks and sounds a lot like Lewis Black’s angry-at-the-world style. Is he even Mexican? I’m just waiting for the vid clip of Joe “Sleeper-hold” Rogan putting him down, as his career is now mostly UFC commentator and crusader against Mencia since making people drink rat-milkshakes dried up.

George Lopez is as funny as he is Mexican. I paused on his sitcom to get a look at his wife (Constance Marie ) but stayed for the funny. His insights are into observation of culture shared by Latinos, blacks, maybe all poor folks — mas puto is universal. Although he does silly takes, it’s not overdone like Martin Lawrence used to do. WHACHA!: the Mexican WHASSSUP. No putting on a full wig and costume to do a ghetto/fat/Latina woman impression, voice and facial expression are enough thanks very much.Tina Fey, Bizarro Mo’Nique, redeems the ladies. Yeah, I didn’t think Baby Mama was great, but nor was it … mule dick. I bet if she wrote the whole movie it would’ve been Apatow funny. Exhibit A is 30 Rock. Every character on there is funny in a different way, especially Tracy Morgan — whom is funny by a different way from most humans. Is he … REALLY …on crack? Dunno. It is occurring to me that just about every lady comic I dig is from SNL. Except for Sarah Silverman, the over the top politically-HEINOUS (not just incorrect) retarded-acting Jewsess of my dreams. She does seem to push too hard though — that’s what she’d say, about me.  

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